


Rules of Acquisition

by the1crazycatlady



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M, Ferengi, Points of View, Science Fiction, Sexism, Space Stations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:17:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 13,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2663285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the1crazycatlady/pseuds/the1crazycatlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Pel came to Deep Space Nine, she was expecting to be there a little bit, just until she got enough latinum to go somewhere and get really rich. Then she met Quark and her entire life went upside-down.</p><p>I don't own "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine." This story is the episode as told from Pel's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen. - Rule of Acquisition #4

I hate my father. And the feeling was mutual - he hated me, too. He wanted me to be a boy, not a worthless  _female_. A boy could go out and earn profit, but the only thing a girl could do was be sold into marriage.

He hated my mom, too; he beat her, making her already failing health get worse and worse with each passing day. And then it didn’t help that Mom just about died every time she went into labor - it ended up being the little boys she was giving birth to who died.

Oh, yes, my dad was spiteful.

He beat me, too - I still have a scar of my arm from where he dug his fingernails into my skin and nearly ripped me apart.

One day, I woke up and he was gone. I was eighteen, ready to be sold into marriage, and so very relieved that he wasn’t there.  _Maybe I won’t be sold away!_  I thought. Happy, I just about skipped into my mother’s room. However, my good mood dissipated when I saw her.

Mom was by birth a weak, skinny woman, but she looked even worse then. I could see each individual vein all over her body, and looking at her made me feel sick.

“Mom!” I cried, going over to the side of her bed. “Mom, what’s wrong? You look horrible!”

“Pelle,” she began, reaching out for me. I grabbed her hand, which was hard and bony. “Pelle, your father’s gone. He left.”

“Yes, Mom, I know. Isn’t it wonderful? Now-”

“Pelle, the FCA is going to come and deal with your father’s remaining debts.”

I froze, realizing what that meant.

“The Ferengi Commerce Authority…” I mumbled.

“They’re going to sell you off,” she croaked.

“Moogie,” I wailed, squeezing her hand.

“Pelle, listen to me.” My mother sat up, grunting from the exertions. “When I was your age, I did everything everyone told me, like a good Ferengi female. I was sold away, and now, here I am.”

“Mom-”

“Pelle, don’t let the men do to you what they did to me. You’re as smart as any of them, and I know that you can handle their world. Learn, become one.”

“Mom, I can’t read, how can I learn?”

She coughed. “In your father’s office, on his computer, he has a reading program. He got it for the sons he wanted. The computer password is ‘latinum.’”

My father never was one for thinking up creative computer passwords.

“There’s enough money in your father’s accounts for us to last a few years. I’ll send in a fake picture of you and try to delay your being sold off.” She hacked and leaned back in her bed, shivering.

“Mom-”

“Go,” she breathed. “Learn. Earn profit like the Ferengi you are.”

“Okay, Moogie,” I agreed, kissing her forehead. “I’ll do it. For you.”

“No!” She sat back up quickly, grabbing my shoulders with her clammy hands. “Don’t do it for  _anyone_ , no one, you hear me, Pelle? Only do it for  _yourself_. You are the only one in the entire universe who is important. Never do anything for anyone unless you benefit from it. Understood?”

“Mom-”

_“Do you understand me?”_

“Yes, Mom,” I sighed.

“Good.” She laid back down. “And be sure the not let those males get in your way.”

Six years later, I could read, write, do math, and had all 285 Rules of Acquisition so memorized, I could recite them backwards in my sleep. I was ready to take the business world by a storm, but found myself hesitating to do so.

_What if I’m too feminine? What if I can’t keep my voice deep all the time? What if someone finds out? What if… What if…_

The month before my mother died, the FCA came for a visit. They needed to take an inventory of all the possessions in the house that could be sold so Mom and I could sustain ourselves - the money in the bank account was dwindling.

“Pitiful, absolutely pitiful,” one of them said as he scanned the nearly-empty shelves. “Why do we even bother with these  _females_? They’re just wasting FCA money.”

I watched them from behind a curtain in the room, paying close attention to their subtle body language.

“I know, Proko,” the other one agreed. He stood with his feet shoulder-width apart, his hands in fists at his sides. “We should either dump them out on the streets or sell them into servitude.”

“I vote that first option,” Proko replied, elbowing the other liquidator. “The eldest female is too old and sick to do anything but lie around, and have you seen the picture of the young one? She’s hideous.”

“That must be why no one’s offered to buy her off,” the other one joked. They laughed.  _Hah-ha-hahaha!_  


“Hey, wanna make a bet?”

“Depends, Kaph, on whether or not you’ll see to it that the odds are only in  _your_  favor.”

“What do you want to bet that the old one’s going to die within the next month?”

“One bar of latinum that she will,” Proko answered immediately.

_Exchange minor business deals in their conversations,_  I noted.

“Deal.” Kaph nodded curtly and slammed his padd shut. “I think we’re done here, with a total amount of there only being six point six-six-six bars of latinum here for those females to live on. They’re both pretty much doomed.”

They laughed again and left.

Proko got his bar of latinum - Mom did die within the next month. I went into her room one morning and there she was. Still. Lifeless. Cold. 

I left that afternoon, after my synthetic ears were dry, and took the first transport I could get a seat on off of Ferenginar. I hopped transports and eventually got a job as a waiter at the Federation outpost Deep Space Nine.


	2. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum. - Rule of Acquisition #75

The first day of my new job, I arrived earlier than was necessary; I wanted to make a good impression and let my new boss - some guy named Quark - that I meant business.

I had not actually met my boss yet, having been hired by his somewhat dimwitted brother, Rom. I’ll admit, I was rather nervous about coming face-to-face with Quark, because he would be paying me, and I’d never been paid before. Frax, I hadn’t even been out of the house before three months previous!

So far, I wasn’t entirely impressed with the outside world. Sure, it was lovely and different, but Cardassian architecture was so dark and gloomy, not at all like the bright and vibrantly-colored Ferengi design I was used to.

I arrived ten minutes early, straightened my jacket, ran a finger along my faux lobes, and took a deep breath before entering the bar.

It was still rather empty, having only been open for an hour, and there were only three customers - a barfly seated at the far end of the bar and then two young men, one human a Ferengi. A few of my coworkers milled about, washing tables and whatnot, while a  _dabo_  girl appeared to be updating her makeup.

The bar itself was rather medium-sized, with two stories. By the door was the metal bar, complete with all sorts of foreign alcoholic beverages, then, looking to the left, you saw tables, and, lastly, the  _dabo_  table. Above the  _dabo_  table was a red, orange, and black portrait of a Tholian in an abstract style. Off to the side, I saw a winding metal staircase leading up to the currently empty upper level.

I glanced back over at the bar and saw a Ferengi dressed differently than all the others. His back was to me, but I saw that he was wearing extremely rich and no doubt expensive clothing. I instantly felt intimidated. _No,_  I told myself,  _don’t be intimidated. You’re just as good as he is, perhaps even better!_  


I walked up to the bar and banged my hand on it. The Ferengi turned to me, holding a bottle of purple liquid and a half-full glass. I was instantly caught off-guard.

_Wow… He’s…hot. Tall - for a Ferengi, anyway - with perfectly crooked teeth and those eyes…blue…no, wait, they’re brown. Blue-brown? Oh, but those lobes - large and perfect - they’re his most attractive feature, definitely. Just look at that cartilage…_

“Yes?” he asked. “Can I  _help_  you?”

I felt like kicking myself.  _Stay focused, Pelle, stay focused. Just because he happens to be attractive doesn’t mean he’s worth your while. Chances are, he’s a sexist and greedy pig like all Ferengi men._  


“Uh-” I cut myself off, coughing and deepening my voice. “I’m the new waiter.”

“Oh.” He put the purple bottle down on the bar. “Right, Rom told me he’d hired someone. What’s your name?”

“Pel.” The masculine form of my name was pronounced just the same as the feminine form, so I thankfully would not have any problems adjusting to some new and bizarre name that I was unaccustomed to.

“Ever have any waiting experience before?”

“No.”

“Well, you’re going to have to learn quickly if you want to stay here in _my_  bar.” He bent down and pulled out a tray from beneath the bar. “Here you go. Get to work.” He shoved it at me.

“I learn quickly,” I said, stepping back a few steps from the force of his shoving.

He smiled sarcastically. “That’s nice. Now get to work!”

“Right away. Um, should I go over there?” I pointed at a table where a Starfleet officer had just sat down.

“What do you think?”

“I’m on it.” I turned and began to scurry over to the Starfleet officer.

“Hey! You!” I turned back to him - he had a padd in his hand. “You’re going to need this.”

“Right.” I took the padd from him. Ahh, what I would need to take down orders. Duh.

“By the way, every Friday night after the bar closes, all the Ferengi on the station play  _tongo_. You should come.” Quark leaned across the bar to me, and I stepped closer to him. “If you don’t come for the gambling, come for the sights. Jadzia Dax will be joining us.”

“A woman? But the 94th Rule of Acquisition states that females and finances don’t mix-”

“When you see her, you’ll know why she’s invited.” He leaned back. “ _If_  you last that long. You’re not exactly starting your day off great.”

“Right. Getting to work.” I scurried off.

Friday night, I could see why Quark had invited Jadzia Dax to play  _tongo_  - and I sincerely doubt it was because she was the best player at the table. She was a Trill, and, most importantly, tall, slim, and very attractive - every man’s dream female. Quark couldn’t take his eyes off her.

It bugged me.

The fact that it bugged me bugged me.

Yes, Quark was rather handsome and distinguished - not to mention a great businessman - but I did  _not_ like him that way. No. I was not going to let a man get in my way. I just  _wasn’t_.

Still, I mean…he was such a good businessman! He lived and breathed every Rule of Acquisition, and was obviously successful - why else would he have such expensive suits? - and opening a bar on Deep Space Nine was such a good idea! It probably earned him thousands of bars of latinum each year, what with it being so close to the wormhole. Perhaps even bricks of latinum.

I had a dream one night. I was working at the bar as Quark’s partner, but there was no one in the bar but us. We were working together on some really profitable business opportunity - I can’t remember what, thought remember that it would have brought in about sixty tons of latinum for each of us - and I suddenly broke out in hives. The hives were worse than the ones I received when I first started to wear clothes.

I scratched and scratched and Quark looked at my funnily and asked, “Are you all right?”

“Just a rash,” I replied - in my normal voice, might I add.

He smiled and squeezed my hand. Why were we holding hands? Good question - I have no idea.


	3. Never let the competition know what you're thinking. - Rule of Acquisition #85

We were playing  _tongo_  when the news came.

I was doing pretty well - better than most of the others - being particularly careful not to spend too much latinum, but not too little, either.  _Tongo’s_  a special game that requires that sort of business skill.

“Come on, come on, come on, come on!” Quark barked. I placed a few strips in the pot, then rolled the dice. Six. I span the pot and Rom took his turn. He gave up too much of his money.

_Idiot._

It was Quark’s turn next. Smiling, he rolled the dice and put money into the pot. We all did the same and looked over at Dax.

She had her cards close to her chest as she looked at the  _tongo_  table, deep in concentration. Her eyes twitched, and she glanced down at her cards. We all gazed at her, waiting.

Quark leaned in closer to her. “The risk is to you, Lieutenant,” he reminded her flirtatiously.

“I could probably think better without your hand on my thigh,” Dax replied.

I picked at my green nails, forcing a smile.

“Now, how did  _that_  get there?” Quark asked, snickering. He glanced over and me and Rom, waving his hand. All the Ferengi at the table laughed.

I leaned in closer to Rom, elbowing him. “I'd like to show them to Quark now.”

“Later,” he mumbled. I rolled my eyes and peaked at his cards - the oaf had been to stupid to keep them hidden.

“So, uh, what’s it going to be?” Quark wondered, looking back over at Dax. “Confront, evade, acquire… _retreat_ …”

Dax looked at him and smirked. “Confront,” she stated, slapping her cards onto the table. Everyone could see plainly that she had a full house. Groaning, we all slapped our cards onto the table in defeat.

“ _Yes!!!_ ” she hissed cheerfully, reaching into the pot and pulling the money out.

“Doesn’t she ever  _lose_?” Rom whined.

“Tell me, Lieutenant,” Quark began, “how’d you get to be so good at  _tongo_?”

“Actually, it was Curzon who played it all the time.”

“Well, that explains it,” Rom said. I glanced over at him. “It’s Curzon who’s beating us, not this _female_.”

I smiled and nodded, resisting the urge to break his nose.

“This  _female_  happens to be a better player than Curzon ever was,” Dax retorted, still pulling out her winnings.

“And a prettier one, too,” Quark remarked.

An image of Quark saying that to me flashed though my mind and I involuntarily smiled.

_Focus, Pelle!_

“Maybe so,” Rom replied, “but I still prefer a  _Ferengi_  female-” I look over at him, working very hard to keep my smile plastered on my face. “-one who never wears clothes, never talks back, and  _never plays_ tongo!”

It was a good thing Rom didn’t know the truth about the person sitting next to him, or he really would’ve hated them.

“Is that really how you prefer your women?” Dax asked Quark. “Naked and submissive?”

“You find such a lifestyle appealing?” Quark wondered.

“Ah, don’t you wish.” The Trill reached back into the pot for some more of her latinum.

“I do.” Quark looked back over at me and Rom. “I really do!”

We laughed.

Jadzia Dax clapped her hands. “All right, the opening is at five slips of latinum. The purchase is at three, the sell is at eight.”

I poked Rom’s shoulder. “Now?” I whispered.

"No, no,” he mumbled back.

“I’m sure he’ll-”

“No,” he interrupted me, sticking latinum in the pot. “Absolutely not.” He wasn’t speaking in a whisper anymore, but a more normal volume. I kept shaking him.

“Yes, yes!” I hissed.

“This isn’t the proper time!”

“I’m trying to concentrate!” Quark snapped at us.

“I’m sorry, Brother,” Rom apologized. “It’s this insolent young waiter’s fault!” He turned to me. I glanced over at Quark; he looked annoyed.

“My apologies, Quark,” I hastily spat out, pulling the beans out of my pocket and holding them out to him, “but I really think you should try this.”

“What is it?” Quark inquired, leaning back in his seat warily.

“A way to double your beverage profits,” I replied, secretly overjoyed.  _He’s talking to me, he’s talking to me!_ “Taste it!” I smiled my best smile.

He looked warily down at my hand, then reached out and picked a bean out of my hand.

_He touched me, he touched me!_

_Shut up!_

Quark put the bean in his mouth and instantly took a sip of his slugwine.

“You see, just as I told you!” I said to Rom, hoping to rub my triumph in as much as possible. I gestured over to Quark and added, “He immediately reached for his drink.”

Rom scowled at me.

“So I did,” Quark realized. He snapped his fingers at me and I held my hand back out to him, overjoyed at the possibility of him being pleased with me.

He picked another bean out of my hand and put it in his mouth. As he had before, he took another sip of his drink.

“Amazing!” he breathed. “You don’t even realize you’re thirsty! What are they?”

“Gramilian sand peas,” I replied, leaning across Rom and closer to Quark. “They inhibit the secretion of the salivary glands while drying out to tissues of the tongue. It works every time.” I made a gesture for him to lean in closer to me, which, happily, he did. We were inches apart. “If you replace your complimentary dishes of  _lokar_  beans with Gramilian sand peas, you won’t be able to fill your customers’ glasses fast enough.”

Quark smiled, and I could almost hear his brilliant mind formulating some additional dynamics to the idea.

“What’s your name again?” he asked.

“Pel,” I answered. “So, what do you think about my idea?”

“I think I agree with the 59th Rule of Acquistion,” he responded. “ ‘Free advice is seldom cheap.’”

“Mm, true, but the 22nd Rule says a wise man can hear profit in the wind.”

He nodded. “I see you know your Rules.”

Nothing, absolutely  _nothing_ that came from his mouth and directed at me could have made me prouder. I smiled.

“All 285 of them,” I boasted, “and the various commentaries on them, as well. I don’t plan on being a waiter forever.”

Everything I had told people before had been nothing but lies, but then I spoke the complete truth; it felt good.

“Good, then you’re fired!” Rom cried.

“Shut up, Rom,” Quark shot at his brother, not turning his gaze from me. “When it comes to business, my brother has the weak little lobes of a  _female_.”

I forced the necessary brief nod and curt laugh.

“So, uh, what made you come take a job here at the station?”

I couldn’t believe it - Quark and I were having an actual  _conversation_!!!

  
_He’s just a stupid male_ , I reminded myself.

I thought my answer through very carefully before responding. “I wanted to learn from the very best.”

“Uh-huh, which brings to mind the 33rd Rule of Acquisition.”

I smiled, nodded, and poked his chest. “ ‘It never hurts to suck up to the boss!’” we chimed, laughing - this time, the only thing forced about my laugh was the deepness.

As we laughed, I elbowed his arm in what I hoped was a masculine manner and then brushed my thumb along his chin.

Our laughter was disturbed by the chiming of the bar’s communication counsel. Quark looked away from me, his laughter dying almost immediately.

“What’s that?” Dax wondered as Quark got up and slithered his way around the table.

“The Grand Nagus Zek’s personal subspace frequency,” he replied quickly, sounding nervous. He ran around the bar.

“I wonder what he wants,” Rom mused.

Panting, Quark turned the communication counsel on. It beep to life and then the old and extremely wrinkled face of Grand Nagus Zek filled the screen.

“Why do your look so surprised?” I heard Zek ask. “I told you I’d be back.”

“Uh, I’ve looked forward to your return, Nagus,” Quark replied.

“Still the perfect little toady, eh, Quark?”

“I try to be.”

“Then listen carefully,” the Nagus ordered, his voice no longer light and carefree. “The Ferengi expansion into the Gamma Quadrant is about to begin.”

All the Ferengi at the  _tongo_  table gasped. Then they started to talk quietly amongst themselves. I, however, did not look away from Quark.

“I’d like  _you_  to be my chief negotiator.”

“Me?” Quark breathed.

“That right,” Zek confirmed. “I’m offering you an opportunity to make more profit that you ever _dreamed_  of. All you have to do is  _earn_  it.”

Quark gasped in joy.


	4. Keep your ears open. - Rule of Acquisition #7

The Grand Nagus arrived on the station two days later and preparations were instantly made for the arrival of the alien species Ferenginar was going to negotiate with, the Dosi. The Ferengi were going to purchase 10,000 vats of tulaberry wine from the Dosi, thus insuring a Ferengi foot in the Gamma Quadrant.  
Quark came into the bar after having talked with the Nagus one afternoon. Quark seemed to have a rather informal relationship with the Nagus, though I couldn't possibly see why. Quark went over to the bar and started talking with Rom while he poured drinks.

I brought my empty tray up to the bar and started to scrub at it with a rag, listening to their conversation.

“…to get a Ferengi foot in the Gamma Quadrant door,” Quark explained to Rom.

“And it’ll be your foot, Brother!” Rom replied. “I’m so  _proud_!”

“I’m going to make history, Rom,” Quark said, grabbing his brother’s hand and turning away from the drink he was pouring, “and I’m going to be  _rich_! And I have the Grand Nagus to thank for it.”

I put the drinks and empty bowls on the bar and brought my empty tray over to Quark to be filled.

“He must really like me,” Quark concluded, turning to me. He and Rom put drinks on my tray.

“Just remember one thing,” I warned him, muttering into his perfect ears, “ ‘the bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.’”

That said, I nodded my head at Rom and turned to wait some more tables.

“48th Rule of Acquisition,” I heard Quark remind Rom. I got into a conversation with some human customers and, as a result, was unable to hear the rest of what was said.

“Pel!” I turned away from the humans and saw Quark gesturing for me to come over to him. I hurried over. “Do you mind telling me what you meant just now?” Quark asked, leaning against the outer bar.

  
_Men,_  I thought.  _Think they know everything, but are really just as stupid as frinx._  


“Did you ever think about why the Nagus has put you in charge of such a lucrative opportunity?” I stepped in front of Rom and looked at Quark straight in the eye.

  
_They look blue. Wait, he just turned his head a degree and they look brown_.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Quark replied. “He knows I have the lobes for business.”

I shook my head. “That’s only part of it.”

Rom leaned forward and I glanced back at him.  _I really do not like him._  


“I refuse to stand by and allow my brother to be insulted!” Rom cried. “You’re fired!”

“Shut up!” Quark turned back to me, leaning in close. “Go on.” He grabbed my hand.

_He’s holding my hand, he’s holding me hand…_

I leaned in an inch and explained, “If the negotiations are profitable, then the Nagus becomes the greatest hero ever, but if they  _fail_ …he’s going to need someone to take the blame.”  
It was just so obvious. I was surprised Rom hadn't figured it out already.

“You mean  _me_?” Panic was thick in Quark’s voice as he let go of my hand and pointed to himself.

“All I’m saying is, be careful.” I turned and nodded at Rom - who glared - and then I walked off, somewhat unwillingly.

“I never heard such ridiculous lies,” Rom said to Quark. I went over to the replicator and picked up some more food. “He’s just jealous of your success, Brother!”

“No, he’s right. If something goes wrong, it’ll be _my fault_.”

“Then you’re going to need help, Brother.”

_“Yes.”_

“Someone to serve as your consultant during negotiations.”

_“Yes.”_

“Someone like me!”

  
_“No.”_  I walked past them and Quark turned from Rom and grabbed my hand.

“Uh, I’ve been thinking about what you just said,” he began, steering me over to the outer bar and pushing Rom away, “and, uh, I probably could use some help during these negotiations.”

“I accept,” I instantly replied.

“Good,” he said.

“Then we’re partners.” I stepped closer to him and he put his hand on my breast and gently pushed me away. I was disturbed by the place of his hand, but I shoved my feminine instincts down deep and tried to ignore it.

“Not quite," Quark told me, "I don’t need a partner - I need an assistant.”

Partner, assistant, whatever - the point was, Quark wanted me to work closer with him in exchange for latinum.

“All right,” I agreed, “but I get 25% of everything you make.”

“Fifteen.”

“Twenty.”

“Done.”

I nodded and Rom attempted to shove in between me and Quark. “But, Brother, what can I do to help?”

Quark removed his hand from my breast. I glanced down at where his hand had been, then back up at Quark.

“You want to help?” Quark asked. He bent down and pulled the tray out of my hands. He shoved it at Rom. “Table six is waiting.”

I leaned against the wall while Rom stuttered a few inarticulate sounds, then eventually just took the tray and walked off. When Quark turned his attention back to me, I stood back up, my hands clasped behind my back.

He smiled, grabbed my arms, squeezed, then let go and turned away. I smiled, proud of myself for making such a great business deal with Quark.

That night, after I’d gotten off work, I paused in front of the mirror in my quarters before going into the bedroom area.

  
_If only he knew that he just asked a_ woman _to help him with the negotiations,_  I thought, looking at myself. 

  
_But he can’t know,_  I reminded myself sadly.  _He can never know._  


I turned away from the mirror with a soundless sigh and crouched beside my bed. I pulled out the box I kept my fake ears in and set it on the table, taking a seat in my chair. I opened the box and pulled out the wax knife. I popped off the fake ears and put them back in their safe little box.

I stood up and went over to my armchair. I unbuttoned my uniform jacket and threw it onto the armchair. Then, with a sigh, I sat down, smiling as I thought about the day’s accomplishments.


	5. Free advice is seldom cheap. - Rule of Acquisition #59

“...I think we should offer food and drink at the negotiations,” Quark said.

“No,” I replied. “Then the Dosi might think that we aren’t taking these negotiations seriously.”

“But the 214th Rule says that you should never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.”

“Then tell the Dosi to eat beforehand,” I stated. “This is a formal business negotiation, and we can’t do anything to suggest otherwise.”

“I don’t know," Quark began. "I mean, what if they don’t-”

“Then that’s their problem," I interrupted, "not ours.”

“Okay.” Quark smiled and shook his head. “You’re right. Frinx, it must be the nerves getting to me.”

“Don’t be nervous.” I grabbed his wrists and shook my head. “Never,  _never_  let the competition know what you’re thinking.”

“Number eighty-five.” He took a deep breath, then sighed and leaned back in his chair, pulling his wrists from my hands and pumping them into the air. “I am exhausted. We’ve only been going over strategy the entire evening. How’s about we call it a night, okay? Meet up again tomorrow morning, before the Dosi delegation arrives?”

“All right,” I agreed. “It is late. Oh eight-hundred?”

“Nine hundred. They’re not coming until ten hundred, we’ll have time.” He yawned. “I need my beauty sleep.”

I smiled. _No lack of sleep can take away his beauty._  I jerked up.  _Did I just think that? No. NO._  


“So, what do you plan to do when you get enough money to leave Deep Space Nine?” he asked, slumping onto the table in exhaustion.

I shrugged. “I haven’t really thought it all the way through, but I do know that I’ll follow the 168th Rule.”

“ ‘Whisper your way to success.’” He thought about it, then said, “Me, when I get enough money from this place, I’m going to buy a moon and retire at a young age.” He rested his head onto his clasped hands. “Like my cousin Gaila…” He stared off into the distance wistfully.

“You can do it,” I blurted. He looked up at me.

“You think so?”

I put a hand on his arm and smiled. “I  _know_  so.”

He smiled back at me and I felt like melting away.

We stared at each other for a few moments, then Quark pulled himself away and stood up. “Well, I’m going to lock the place up, so you need to get out,  _employee_.”

“I am aware of the 211th Rule, Quark.”

“‘ Employees are rungs on the ladder of success,’” Quark quoted. “ ‘Don’t hesitate to step on them.’ So  _very_  glad we agree.”

We laughed and Quark walked me out of his bar, his hand lightly resting on my back. I felt my heart  _pitter-patter_  in my chest, and I wondered if he could hear it - his lobes were certainly big enough.

He didn’t seem to; he locked the door to his bar and smiled at me. “See you tomorrow, Pel.”

“Get lots of sleep and be sure to eat a full meal, like we discussed,” I reminded him.

Quark yawned. “Don’t worry about me not sleeping - I’m not sure I’ll be able to get to my quarters, I’m so tired.” He yawned again. “Well, good night.”

“Good night, Quark.”

“Just remember, win or lose, there’s always Huyparian beetle snuff!” He called after me.

“Rule of Acquisition sixty-five!” I shouted back at him.

“And then there’s Jadzia Dax on  _tongo_ night, too!”

“Yeah!” I agreed, feeling my happiness sink.

He walked away and I flopped down on the bench outside of Quark’s, running through the entire blissful evening. But then I frowned when I thought of Quark's comment about Dax, and kicked the bench for good measure.

_Okay, maybe I do like him…a little bit. Like the raindrops when it’s_  melnering.  _Just that much._  


_Oh, what am I kidding. This is not just some passionate little twinge - I’d give up my illegal freedom if it meant he'd know the_ truth _, that this wasn't all a lie._  


_This is not good. Not good at all._

_He’s messing things up! I can’t successfully do business if he’s going to be distracting me. This job at Deep Space Nine was supposed to be temporary. As in, I was_  not  _supposed to get attached to anything!!!_  


I placed my head in my hands and sighed.

“Not good,” I mumbled. “Not good at all.”


	6. Every man has his price. - Rule of Acquisition #98

There were two Dosi representatives, one cautious female and a hotheaded male. Both wore similar Klingon-meets-Romulan chain male and had extravagantly ridiculous red, white, and blue facial makup. They were humanoid.

Quark was nervous - to nervous, it was really obvious. I hit his arm and he asked quickly, “So, uh, can I get anyone something to eat?”

I felt like cringing.  _Quark, we discussed this last night! Don’t you remember any of what I said?_  


The male Dosi - Inglatu - twitched his nose.

“All right, um, in that case, let’s go over our offer,” Quark continued fumblingly.

_Good,_  I thought.  _Go straight for the kill._  


“As you know, the Ferengi are interested in purchasing 10,000 vats of tulaberry wine.” He sounded calmer. “In exchange, the Dosi will receive what I consider to be a very fair trade package.” He pulled out a padd and pushed it over to the Dosi.

“There are some very interesting items on that list,” I added. “A subspace field modulator, uh, some optical data processors-”

“We’ll give you 5,000 vats,” Inglatu interrupted, his voice booming in the small room.

“I’m afraid that won’t be enough,” Quark replied. “Um, we’re looking to establish a vast distribution network in the Gamma Quadrant.” He gestured with his hands. “We’ll need at least 10,000 vats.”

“I’m offering you 5,000 vats,” Inglatu thundered. “I suggest you take it.”

“The Nagus with never agree,” I stated.

“This is a waste of time,” the female Dosi - Zyree, her name was - complained. “We should be talking  _directly_  to Zek.”

Had he not been covered in makup, I have no doubt that we would have seen Inglatu go completely red in the face.

“I know we should be talking to Zek,” he replied.

“Then why do you bother talking to this  _insignificance_?” At that last word, Zyree sneered at Quark.

“Now see what you’ve done?” Inglatu asked us, his voice staring to warble.

“What?” Quark asked nervously, looking over at me.

“You’ve made me look  _foolish_!”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Then bring us to Zek,” the female ordered.

_That does it_ , I thought, shouting, “The Nagus has asked Quark to represent him during these negotiations.”

Zyree stood up in her seat and leaned across the table, spitting in my face, “Are you implying that Zek is too important to negotiate with us?!” She banged her fist on the table and I saw Quark look over at us.

“We never meant to imply anything of the sort,” he defended.

“Because,” Inglatu stated, waving the padd in Quark’s face, “if we kill you-” He crushed the padd in his hands and Quark stared in fear and wonder at the remains. “-Zek will have to talk to us.”

“You want to do business with the Ferengi,” I announced, quickly coming to Quark’s defense, “you talk to Quark.”

Inglatu’s nose twitched again and the two Dosi sat back in their seats.

“So how about it?” Quark asked nervously. “Do we say 10,000 vats?”

The Dosi looked at each other, then back at me and Quark.

“We’ll think about it,” Inglatu said.

Quark smiled and nodded, then looked off to his right side, no doubt to try and breathe easier.


	7. Peace is good for business. - Rule of Acquisition #35

The Nagus joined us at the  _tongo_  game the next night. But, more importantly, Quark insisted that I sit next to him. Rom glared at me from across the table, but I barely noticed.

_I’m sitting next to him, I’m sitting next to him!_

“Evade,” Quark said. A few Ferengi groaned and tossed down their cards.

“Evade,” I also announced.

“Retreat,” Quark stated.

“Acquire,” the Nagus declared.

“Confront,” Dax pronounced, laying down her cards. Quark and I threw down our cards and the Trill reached eagerly into the pot. Zek reached out and grabbed her wrist.

“Did I say ‘acquire?’” he asked. “I meant ‘evade.’”

Jadzia Dax yanked herself from his grasp. “You  _said_  ‘acquire.’”

“Well, I meant ‘evade!’” the Nagus shouted.

“Why don’t we just play the round over?” Quark suggested, gesturing with his hands.

“That sound fair,” Rom piped up.

“Who asked you?” Zek snarled. He turned to Quark. “And shouldn’t you be plotting strategy for tomorrow’s negotiations?”

“Believe me, Nagus,” Quark replied, “I’ve thought of nothing else all evening.”

“That must be why you’re losing so badly,” Rom remarked.

“And I think, by tomorrow, we should have an agreement,” Quark carried on, ignoring his brother’s little comment.

“Well, I’ve been thinking, too,” announced Grand Nagus Zek, “and 10,000 vats of tulaberry wine aren’t enough. Tell them we want 100,000.”

“100,000?” Quark repeated. “But I’m not sure they’ll even agree to sell us 10,000!”

“100,000 vats would mean more profit for them  _and_  for us. Now do as I say! Or I’m going to take over the negotiations myself!”

“ _I_  think raising the stakes is a brilliant idea,” I cut in, once again defending Quark.

“You do?” Zek asked, sounding pleased.

“It’ll show the Gamma Quadrant we mean business,” I replied. “No wonder Quark says you’re a genius.”

“Oh, he says that, does he?”

Quark turned from me and back to Zek. “All the time.”

“That’s very touching. Now bring me some fresh tube grubs!” The Nagus held his bowl out to Quark. “These are losing their crunch.”

“Right away.” Quark took Zek’s bowl and scuttled over to the bar.

“So, I believe the next challenge goes to you,” the Grand Nagus addressed me.

“I think I’ll pass on this round,” I said. I nodded at Zek and stood up, going over to Quark. He turned when he heard me coming, then looked back at the bowl of tube grubs.

“Is the Nagus always this impatient?” I wondered, putting a hand on his back. Quark shook his head.

“He wants results, and he expects me to get them,” he sighed. “But he’s not making my job any easier.” He stopped putting tube grubs in the bowl and leaned against the bar. “100,000 vats…that’s a lot of tulaberries.”

“You’ll get them,” I assured him, leaning closer.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you’re good,” I told him, “and with me helping you, you’re even better.”

Quark looked at me and turned, now facing me completely. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

I may have been gutsy enough to break the law so I could achieve my dreams, but there was no way I could tell him the truth.

“For 20% of your profits,” I lied. “Why else?” My gruff voice began to get higher in pitch and I had to work to keep hard to it low.

Quark smiled and bumped his elbow against my arm. “Fair enough.”

“Quark!” the Nagus shouted, disturbing our tender moment, “where are my grubs?”

“Coming!” Quark grabbed the bowl and rushed back over to the  _tongo_  table. I trailed along after him.

Quark put the bowl back in front of the Nagus and waited while he tried them.

“Mmm,” Zek sounded. “Now this is what I call fresh.” He began sticking tube grubs in his mouth greedily.

Quark and I smiled at each other and retook our seats, bumping our shoulders together. Our eyes were locked and I wouldn’t have been upset at all if time just froze, never to move again.


	8. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. - Rule of Acquisition #208

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably just me, but does anyone else feel as though Dax wasn't required in this episode? I mean, I love her character and this scene, but I think that the story could and maybe would be better without her.

The next day, I was eating lunch in the Replimat before the next round of negotiations when Jadzia Dax came up from behind me.

“I didn’t know the Replimat had a Ferengi menu,” she stated, sitting down in the empty seat next to me with a cup of what smelled like  _raktajino_.

“It doesn’t,” I replied politely, secretly wanting for her to disappear and leave me alone. “I like to try new things.”

“That’s unusual for a Ferengi.”

“I never heard of a Trill who could play  _tongo_.”

She shrugged. “I guess that makes us both unusual. You know,” she added, “I was impressed by your show of loyalty to Quark last night.”

_“No good deed ever goes unpunished,”_  I thought.  _285th Rule, Pelle, why didn’t you listen to it?_  


“He deserves it.” I turned to my food, which at least had the nerve to not ask uncomfortable questions.

“That’s not the point,” Dax continued. “Any other Ferengi would’ve let Zek pick him to pieces.  _But you’re not like any other Ferengi I’ve ever met._ ”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, but knew that I’d have to get the subject off of me and said: “Quark really likes you; he talks about you all the time.”

“You know he once convinced me to go up to a holosuite with him?” I looked up from my food and tried not to scream. “Turns out, he recreated the bedroom I slept in as a child. He overheard me describing it to Kira. Of course, most of the details were wrong, but it was a very sweet gesture.” She leaned in closer to me. “Up until he tried to kiss me.”

I smiled and punched her arm lightly. “That sounds like Quark!” I cried, and we laughed together.

“I don’t care what anybody says,” Dax said. “I love him.”

“So do I,” I sighed.

“You really do, don’t you?”

“What?”

“Love Quark.” I looked away quickly.

_Somebody knows, somebody knows!_

“Don’t bother trying to deny it - I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

I glanced around, wondering if anyone could overhear our conversation. Worse, if a  _Ferengi_  heard us… I shuddered at the thought.

“Please, keep your voice down,” I begged in my normal voice, leaning towards her.

“Does he know?” Dax whispered.

“He doesn’t even know I’m a female-”

_“You’re a woman???”_

“Please lower your voice,” I pleaded, panicking. “Please.”

“I knew there was something different about you,” she said, sounding amazed, “but-but I’ve never met a Ferengi woman before.”

“You probably never will again. On my world, women aren’t allowed to leave the house, or wear clothes, or learn to read…”

“And you wanted more,” she realized.

“Why not?” I asked. “I’m as smart as any man. So I made myself a pair of synthetic lobes and became one.”

I briefly considered mentioning my mother, but then decided against it, my heart breaking as I thought of her.

“Why come here?” she asked.

“To acquire profit, of course.”  _Duh_. I shifted uncomfortably. “There’s only one thing I wasn’t counting on.”

“Falling in love with Quark,” Dax completed for me. I glanced over at her.

“What do you think I should do?” I asked softly.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I  _do_  know there’s more to life than profit.”

More to life then profit? The idea was just so…not right. No. Profit was everything to a Ferengi.

Quark ran up to us then. “Pel, it’s time!” he hissed. I looked over at him, took the napkin out of the front of my jacket, and stood up, stealing one final glance at Dax; she was smiling.

“We don’t want to keep the Dosi waiting,” Quark breathed. He put his hand on the small of my back. “Hurry!”

We walked off, Quark already talking about how to go about introducing the Nagus’s 100,000 vats.

Despite our prepping, however, the Dosi downright refused to give us that many vats. “That is  _impossible_ ,” Inglatu stated. He and Zyree stood up, furious, and left…

…the station.


	9. It ain't over till it's over. - Rule of Acquisition #88

After the Dosi had left, Quark and I rushed instantly - and nervously - to the Grand Nagus. The computer told us that he was on the upper level of the Promenade, so we went there and found him ending a conversation with a female Bajoran major.

“Nice view, isn’t it?” Quark asked as we ran up to him. The Nagus turned away from the major's receding form and to us.

“Don’t tell me the negotiations are already over,” he said. “That’s fast work, Quark! Now, let’s see the contract.” He held out his hand, gesturing for Quark to hand the padd over.

Quark gulped and got on his knees before Zek, shaking his head. “There is no contract,” he admitted nervously. I bent down next to him, putting my hand on Zek’s table for support.

“No contract?” the Nagus repeated. “But you offered to buy 100,000 vats, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And…that’s when they left.”

“The room?”

“The station.”

“What?” Grand Nagus Zek asked.

“I begged them to stay!”

“This is a catastrophe!” Zek cried, “a complete catastrophe!” He stood up, looking down at Quark and me. “This was your big chance, Quark, and you blew it!” He waggled a finger at him. “You may have seriously harmed future Ferengi opportunities in the Gamma Quadrant!”

I knew I had to do something instead of just stand by and let Zek beat on Quark. I pulled Quark up off the ground and stepped between the two men.

“Hold on a minute,” I said. Quark put his hands on my arms and I could hear his panicky breathing behind me. “We said we’re going to get you the tulaberries, and that’s  _exactly_  what we’re going to do."

“We are?” Quark wondered, breathing into my ear.

“How?” the Nagus inquired.

“We’re going to travel to the Gamma Quadrant, find the Dosi, and get them to sign the contract,” I replied. Quark’s right hand was on my shoulder.

“And how do you plan to  _get there_?” Zek wondered.

“We’ll take your ship,” I answered. Quark took his hand off my shoulder. 

Make up your mind! I thought.

“My ship? Oh, and I suppose you expect Maihar’du to pilot it for you!”

“We don’t need Maihar’du,” Quark cut in, his hand back on my arm. He moved it up to my upper arm. “I can pilot the ship myself.”

“It’s up to you,  _Nagus,_ ” I stated, pointing at Zek. “Do you want those tulaberries or not?”

“All right,” he agreed after a minor pause. “You can use my ship. But I’m warning you, Quark-” He pointed at Quark to emphasize his point. “-either you get the Dosi to sign that contract or you’ll be tending that  _worthless little bar_  for the rest of your life!”

Overjoyed by Zek’s okay, Quark reached across me and took the Nagus’s hand, kissing it. Our ears brushed against each other, and I felt my pulse quicken.

_Well, it's not my real ear,_ I remembered.  _I still felt it, though._ _  
_

Quark shook Zek’s hand, smiled, then steered me away.

We left the station two hours later, receiving directions to the Dosi homeworld from the transport captain who’d brought them to DS9 in the first place. Quark steered the ship to some empty black space - apparently, the famous Bajoran wormhole was there.

I was skeptical until the patch of space exploded in a swirling mass of yellow and blue sparkles. I gasped as Quark brought us into the wormhole.

_What if it collapses in on us?_  I panicked.  _Wait - it’s an artificial wormhole and can’t. Can it? Oh…!_

It was very pretty inside the wormhole, filled with dancing colors and all sorts of things that seemed to only have been created by magic, not the Bajoran Prophets like everyone said.

“It’s beautiful,” I remarked.

“You must never have seen a Ferengi sunset while it’s  _vinkling_. This is nothing compared to that.”

“I haven’t seen that,” I admitted. It’s not like Ferengi females can ever leave the house, and Ferengi buildings usually do not have windows, because who wants to look at rain all the time? “I never went outside much.”

“I’ll have to show you one someday. It’s enough to make any businessman wish they could bottle up just a little fraction of it and make millions of bricks of latinum off of it.” Quark turned red in the face and smiled. “I even came up with a slogan for it when I was a young lobeling: ‘Ferengi Sunset while  _Vinkling_ : Almost as Pretty as Latinum.’ I have gotten better at slogans, don’t worry.”

I chuckled and punched him lightly in the arm. “Sounds great. The sunset, that is - not the slogan.”

We laughed and exited the wormhole.


	10. Keep your lies consistent. - Rule of Acquisition #60

I made a minor course change as Quark spoke: “I’ve waited my whole life for an opportunity like this.”

I smiled and leaned back in my chair with a sigh, angling myself so I was almost leaning on him. “So have I.”

I wasn’t entirely sure if it was my heart or business sense that spoke.

“So far, it hasn’t turned out quite the way I planned,” Quark continued.

“It’s not over yet.”

“I  _still_  don’t understand why the Nagus is suddenly insisting on  _100,000 vats_.”

“Neither do I,” I admitted after a brief glance over at him.

“You don’t think he’s purposely trying to sabotage the negotiations?”

I looked at him. “Why would he?”

“I have no idea.”

I looked back at the screen. “Hmm. One thing’s for certain - he knows more than he’s letting on. _”_ _  
_

Quark glanced at me. “About what?”

“Everything,” I replied, facing him, “the tulaberries, the Dosi,” I turned away uncomfortably, “even the Gamma Quadrant.”

“Well, if you ever figure out what he’s up to, make sure you tell me.”

I turned to him and smiled, lightly hitting his leg. “Don’t worry, I will.”

“So far, the only thing I’ve done right is pick you as my consultant,” he said. I peaked at him out of the corner of my eye and, once again, turned to him. I gazed deeply into his blue-brown eyes.

“I’m glad you feel that way,” I sighed, leaning in an inch. He leaned backwards, but did not break eye contact with me.

And then he suddenly did, with a clean break that hurt terribly.

“Now,” he quickly began, “if we can only make some profit.”

I turned back to the screen and licked my lips.

_Profit._  There was that word again. “There’s more to life than profit,” Dax had said. For the first time, I began to think that she was right.

_Tell him, tell him!_

_No, don’t tell him, are you insane?_

_TELL HIM!_

I turned back to him. “Quark, there’s something you should know.”

“Oh, you’re too late,” Quark stated, “I already know what you’re going to say.”

“You do?” I squeaked, leaning closer to him, happy.

“It’s no secret.”

“It’s not?” I asked, not bothering to deepen my voice.

_He knows, he knows!_

“I admit you’ve been a great help to me, but you agreed to a 20% share of the profits, and that’s all you’re going to get.”

My happiness fell quicker than I would’ve thought possible. I turned away and slumped in my seat.

He thought this was about profit. So Ferengi. So male.

“I see,” I mumbled with a sigh.

“ ‘Never place friendship above profit,’” Quark recited.

“21st Rule of Acquisition,” I sighed.

“I’m glad you agree.”

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “Hmm.”


	11. He who dives under a table today lives to profit tomorrow. - Rule of Acquisition #20

The Dosi took us to a hot, sweaty place overwhelmed with the tribal paint-covered aliens, most of which were drinking tulaberry wine from a shiny metal fountain by the room’s entrance. Curtains were everywhere.

Quark and I stood together in what probably was the quietest part of the room. We drank the blue tulaberry wine, which was rather tart. Quark leaned against a pillar with his hand on my shoulder. We stared out at the throngs Dosi.

“Are you enjoying yourselves, little Ferengi?” asked the female Dosi from the failed negotiations. She popped up suddenly behind us and put her hands on our outer shoulders.

“How could we not?” Quark asked.

“Tell us, Zyree,” I began, resting my chin on Quark’s elbow, “what is this place?” Quark yanked his elbow out from under me, and I looked back out at the hubbub.

“This - this is where opportunities are made,” Zyree explained ominously.

“Really?” Quark asked. “I thought it was some kind of party.”

“Then you thought wrong; this is all about profit. And like the Ferengi, the Dosi are very serious when it comes to profit.”

Quark and I were preparing to laugh at that when we heard a phaser fire. Looking at the source of the noise, we saw a man falling to the ground, where he stayed. Another man, this one holding a gun, tossed a padd down at the corpse, then pointed to another Dosi.

“You. Take him away.”

“ _Very serious_ ,” Zyree repeated in a menacing tone. Then she pushed me aside and stormed away.

I walked back over to Quark and put a hand on his left shoulder, close to his neck. I leaned in close to his ear.

“Look who finally showed up,” I said, nodding over at the door, where Inglatu was just walking in. A Dosi female walked up to him and showed him a padd.

Quark shoved his drinking bowl at me, and our fingers briefly touched. “It’s about time!” he announced.

“Where are you going?” I called after him as he walked away.

“To get serious about profit!” Quark called back, shoving two Dosi out of his way.

“Hey, watch it!” one of the Dosi cried.

Quark marched up the stairs and patted Inglatu on the shoulder. My eyes widened, surprised by his rather anti-Ferengi bravery.

“Oh…you, Ferengi,” Inglatu tonelessly said. “Aren’t you on the wrong side of the wormhole?”

“It certainly feels that way,” Quark replied calmly, despite the fact that Inglatu was a good head taller than him and looking down on him with a sneer plastered on his face.

“Fortunately,” Quark continued, “all I need is your thumbscan-” Quark waved the padd at him. “-on this  _very lucrative_  contract and I can go  _home_!”

“You had your chance.”

Inglatu turned back to the Dosi woman; Quark tapped him on the shoulder again, looking rather exasperated.

“Go away!” Inglatu shouted in Quark’s face.

“Not until we finish our discussion,” Quark replied without so much as a wince.

Inglatu turned away once more, and, again, Quark patted him on the shoulder. The Dosi turned back, wrapped his arm around Quark, and said something to him that I couldn’t hear. Once again, Inglatu turned back to the female Dosi.

Quark stood there, holding the contract, then glanced over at the wine fountain. A determined look now on his face, he looked back at Inglatu, then did something totally un-Ferengi, unexpected.

He knocked over one of the fountain’s barrels.

Everyone in the room stared at him, and I found it nearly impossible to keep a straight face.

“Sorry,” Quark apologized, sarcasm dripping from his words.

Looking furious, Inglatu grabbed the back of Quark’s jacket and grumbled into his face: “I should have killed you back on that station.”

“But you  _didn’t,_ ” Quark shot back, jabbing a finger into Inglatu’s chest, “because deep down inside, you recognize a good opportunity when you see one.” He reached down and pulled up the padd. “Just put your thumbscan here.”

Inglatu’s nose twitched. “All right, you can have 10,000 vats.”

“100,000.”

“I told you before that’s impossible!”

“100,000, and I’m not leaving till I get it!”

“ _Fine!_ ” Inglatu spat. “Then stay!” He let go of Quark and walked off. Quark made a frustrated sound and banged a fist on his leg, looking over at me.

I shrugged at him.


	12. Always have sex with the boss. - Rule of Acquisition #113

I was the first to walk into the hotel room and see the gigantic bed. I immediately walked off to the right, expecting to see another room with another bed.

There wasn’t another room, or at least another bed.

I ran to the other side of the room but just saw more of those curtains the Dosi liked so much.

I began to panic.  _No, no, no, no…_  


Quark sat on the bed with a groan.

“Wouldn’t we be more comfortable sleeping on the ship?” I asked quickly, trying vainly to keep a level head. _On the ship, we have separate rooms!_  


“No,” Quark replied, scooting back, “I want to be right here in case Inglatu changes his mind.Don’t worry, I don’t snore.” He pulled himself back to the head of the bed and plomped down. 

Don’t snore! That was the least of my worries. I couldn’t keep my synthetic ears on while I slept in case they got damaged - why had I been so _stupid_  and left my spare pair back at the station? - and I couldn’t exactly take them off, now could I???

_Don’t panic_ , I told myself, _just wait for him to go to sleep and-_  


_No! Stupid idea!_

“Wait!” I cried.

“What is it?” Quark groaned, sitting up.

Uh… “The mattress!”

“What about it?”

Uh… “It looks lumpy!”

“Actually, it’s very comfortable,” Quark sighed tiredly, leaning back.

I grabbed a faux ear. “I can’t sleep on a lumpy mattress!”

Quark sat up again. “Well, you’re in luck, there’s not a lump to be found.” He started to pull off his jacket. “Try it for yourself. What side do you want?”

“What are you doing?” I asked.  _Why is he taking off his jacket???_  


“Getting undressed,” he replied. “What does it look like?” He tossed his jacket off to the side.

Getting undressed!

_Keep him awake, keep him awake…_

_And clothed, keep him clothed...!_

“You’re not going to sleep, are you?”

“Why not?” he yawned. “I’m tired.”

“Shouldn’t we be discussing rules of strategy?”

“There’s nothing to discuss.”

“But you know what the 103rd Rule of Acquisition says,” I stalled.

“Not offhand.” He shook his head and looked at me strangely.

“ ‘Sleep can interfere with-’” I began, waving a finger at him melodramatically.

Quark interrupted me; “And I don’t care, either!” He leaned back and closed his eyes.

_“Wait!!!”_

“ _What_  is it now?”

“First a toast.” I moved over to a table that had a wine bottle and two empty glasses on it.

“To what?” He sat up.

“To, uh, profit,  _of course_.” I poured a drink for him.

“Of course,” he sighed, swinging his legs around the side of the bed. I gave him his drink and poured myself a glass.

We tilted our glasses at each other and drank. When we were done, we looked at each other until Quark coughed, looking down at his half-empty glass.

“Is it warm in here?” he wondered, rubbing his brow.

“It must be the wine,” I suggested, looking down at my own glass.

“I hope so.” Quark tipped some more wine into his mouth.

“I was really impressed,” I said, poking his arm, “with the way you handled Inglatu.”

Quark grinned, bumping his glass against my chest. “I was good, wasn’t I?” He glanced down at his drink. “Now let’s get to bed.” He leaned back.

“Wait!” I grabbed his arm and he sat back up. “The look on his face when you knocked over that barrel!”

He leaned in closer, waggling his drink at me and smiling. “ _That_  was risky.”

I raised my glass to him. “ ‘The riskier to road, the greater the profit.’”

“62nd Rule.”

“That’s right!” I raised my glass to him again.

“You really know your Rules.” He took a sip of wine.

“And you have a very nice smile,” I sighed, grinning.

He looked at me, appearing flattered. “I do?”

I leaned in and kissed him.

Surprised, he fell back in the bed, staring at me with a disturbed expression on his face. I climbed into the bed on top of him.

“Oh, Quark, I have something I have to tell you!”

“No, no. Pel, look-” Quark tried to push me away. “Pel -  _Pel_!”

“The truth is, I-”

“Pel, get off! Pel!”

“I’m-”

“Pel!”

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Quark and I looked over at the room’s entrance and we saw Zyree standing in the curtainway, an amused expression plastered on her face.

“Ye-” I began.

“No!” Quark cried, grabbing my arms and trying to move me away. “Definitely not!”

“Are you sure?” she wondered.

“Positive!” he exclaimed, sounding crazed.

Feeling idiotic, I crawled off of him.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.” Zyree pulled the curtains away and walked out of the room.

“Uh,  _wait_!” Quark called, jumping off the bed and running after her. I stood by the side of the bed, watching him run out. “No, wait!” 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid,_  I thought.

“This is all a silly misunderstanding,” Quark explained. I put my hand on my stomach and tried to breathe, maybe even regain my sanity.

“But you seem to be…busy,” Zyree said.

“Busy!” Quark repeated shakily. They reentered the room. “Don’t be ridiculous. We can’t wait to hear what you have to say.”

He had his arms around Zyree; she looked down at him, obviously not believing a single word that came out of his mouth.

“Besides,” Quark added, looking warily at the bed and hurrying to Zyree’s other side, “we could use the company.”

Zyree smirked at me.

“Uh, isn’t that right?” Quark asked me.

“Absolutely!” I cried, nodding forcefully.

“All right then,” Zyree began, looking at me strangely. “Let me give you some advice - Inglatu will never sell you 100,000 vats of tulaberry wine, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he  _can’t_.” She turned to Quark.

“If he can’t, who can?” Quark wondered. “You?”

“I wish I could, but there aren’t that many vats on the entire planet.”

“Then we’re finished,” Quark sighed, letting the he had on Zyree’s shoulder slop to his side.  
I bit my lip and drank the remaining wine in my glass, not particularly caring about the stupid tulaberries anymore.

_How in the glorious name of the Nagus did we not spill any wine on the bed?_  I wondered, staring at the empty glass.

“Not necessarily,” Zyree stated, interrupting my contemplation of the dregs. “If you really want 100,000 vats of tulaberry wine, I can put you in touch with the right people…for a price, of course.”

“ _Of course_ ,” Quark agreed, putting his hand back on her shoulder. “I always said you were my favorite Dosi.” Zyree smiled and Quark went in for the kill. “Now, um, who do we have to see?”

“The Karemma,” she answered with barely any pause.

“Wh-who’s the Karemma?” I asked.

“An important power in the Dominion,” the Dosi responded.

“Eh, the Dominion, what’s that?” Quark asked, hanging on Zyree with both of his hands on her left shoulder.

“Let’s just say that if you want to do business in the Gamma Quadrant, you have to do business with  _the Dominion._ ”

Quark nodded and smiled at me. Relaxing a bit, I smiled back at him.


	13. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. - Rule of Acquisition #19

We beamed up to Zek’s ship immediately, of course, Quark suddenly realizing why the Nagus had seemed to sabotage the negotiations.

“ ‘The most profitable opportunity in Ferengi history,’” Quark quoted instantly after we had transported aboard. We walked over to the seats. “That was Zek called it - but he didn’t mean tulaberries, no.” We sat down. “He mean the  _Dominion. That’s_  why he sabotaged negotiations!” We leaned in closer to each other. “He never wanted to do business with the Dosi,” he continued, turned away and straightening his jacket, “he just wanted to use them to get to a more important member of the Dominion!”

Quark started up the ship and took us out of orbit.

I stared into his ear and tried to figure out what to say.

“Quark, we need to talk,” I eventually settled for. I grabbed his arm. He yanked it away from me, throwing both his hand into the air.

“We are talking!”

“Don’t you want to know why I kissed you?” I wondered.

Quark looked at me, frozen, then said, “You never kissed me.”

“Yes I did!” I protested.

“No you didn’t, and I don’t want to discuss it anymore. Let’s just concentrate on the Dominion.” He turned to his control panel and I did the same, slumping in my seat.

“I only wish Zyree would have told us more,” he continued. I glanced over at him, then back at the control panel.

“Maybe it’s some planetary alliance or trade consortium,” I mumbled, wanting to return to our previous conversation. I turned back to him.

Quark turned to me. “Whatever it is, it’s important, and I want a piece of it.” We looked away.

**«««**

We arrived back at Deep Space Nine four and a half excruciatingly long hours later. I just wanted to go back to my quarters and, I don’t know, scream furiously into my pillow, possibly. I’m not sure what I had in mind, but it most certainly did not involve cleaning.

I entered my quarters and halted in the doorway, staring at my quarters. They’d been ransacked. Clothes and trinkets were all over the floor. My latinum box was open and latinum was spilled all over the floor. Broken shards of some glass doodad that had come with the unremarkable and gloomy Cardassian room were sprinkled in some corner.

_Who did this?_  I wondered.  _Why did they do it, how’d they get in? My money wasn’t touched. My lobes-_  


My eyes fell on my lobe box; it was on my table, open. My heart beat faster in my chest.

“Oh no, oh no,” I muttered. “No, no!” I ran over to the table and touched the open box, just to make sure it wasn’t a hologram or something - it was real. I began to sweat.

“Who?” I mumbled. Something occurred to me. _But, no. My money was left alone._  


“But, if it’s a Ferengi, I…I…”

I screamed.

**«««**

I was washing the bar later, feeling downright stressed and miserable, when Rom dragged Quark over to a space behind me. I turned away and watched them, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

“Brother, I have something important to tell you!”

“What is it, Rom?”

“It’s about  _Pel_!”

“Go on…”

“Hang on - I’ll go get  _him. He’ll_  tell you.”

Someone grabbed me and pulled me away from the bar. Looking up, I saw that it was Rom. He led me over to Quark.

“Quark, Pel wants to tell you about  _his lobes_.” Rom pointed at his ears to emphasize. I looked nervously up at Quark. It felt like the world was collapsing in on me.

“You!” I mumbled to Rom, not looking away from Quark. “My quarters…you…”

Quark bent down, his hands on his thighs, and asked, “Pel, what is it that Rom has got such a problem with?”

Sighing, I realized there was no choice - Rom knew, I couldn’t lie. I stood up on my tip-toes and whispered the fatal words into his ear.

“I’m a woman.”

He straightened up slowly, looked over at his right, then fainted.


	14. Trust is the biggest liability of all. - Rule of Acquisition #99

I’d told Quark the truth about my gender, but instead of packing my bags in a frantic fear and leaving as soon as I could, like I’d told myself I would do if anyone found out the truth, I felt…pleased. I had no thoughts of tearing my real ears out of my skull in utter frustration and slept better than I had in ages. I felt great!

Quark, meanwhile, was in the Infirmary for a slight concussion he received when he banged the back of his head against the steps leading up to the  _dabo_  table.

_Bee-bee-beep!_  I stood across the room from the door and said, “Come.”

The door opened and Quark stepped through, as I’d known he would. Who else would visit me after my confession? I had dressed down for the anticipated occasion.

One thing I had not foreseen, however, was him having a box with him.

Quark took one at me without my synthetic lobes and jacket and barked, “Where are your lobes?”

I didn’t bother to deepen my voice. “Over there,” I replied, pointing at my table.

“Well, put them one before somebody sees you!” he ordered.

I smirked and leaned a little closer to him. “No one’s going to  _see_  me.”

He ran over to the table and picked up the open box, then brought it over to me. “ _Put them on! Now!_ ” He held the box out to me. “And wrap yourself up.” He waved his fingers around in a circle, looking up at the ceiling uncomfortably.

_Fine,_ I though.  _For him._  I took the box and marched into the other room.

“Have you finished packing?” Quark called to me.

“Am I  _going_  somewhere?” I wondered as I put my lobes on.

“As far away from the station as possible,” he replied.

“But you  _need_  me, Quark,” I shot back, picking up my jacket from the floor. “I’m the only one you can trust.”

“Not anymore.”

Dressed in my drag, I pushed the door panel and the door swooshed open; I glared at Quark.

“Well, what did you expect?” he asked, sounding somewhere between indifferent and exasperated. “I mean, look at you. You’re wearing  _clothes_.”

“Is that a crime?” I wondered, stepping into the room. I may have been dressed as a man, but I had the voice of a woman. I may have loved him, but I would not hide anymore.

“As a matter of fact, it is. Look.” He reached under his arm and pulled out the box. “It’s just too risky for you to stay here.” He held the box out to me. “And you can take this with you.”

“What is it?” I hissed.

“Ten bars of latinum,” Quark replied. “To help you start a new life.”

I crossed my arms and didn’t say anything.

“If you’re going to pretend you’re a man, act like one.” He shook the box at me. “ _Take the profit._ ”

“This is not about profit anymore,” I replied, uncrossing my arms, “it’s about love!”

“Oh, spoken like a true  _female_ ,” Quark spat, turning his back to me. He was visibly tense.

I took two steps forward. “I love you, Quark, and I know you care about me, too.  _Admit_  it!”

“What difference does it make if I do? You’d never be happy being a Ferengi wife.”

“Then come with me to the Gamma Quadrant,” I suggested. “No one there cares if I wear clothes or not.”

He turned to me and said coldly, "I’d care.” His face was stone, but his eyes were torn and pained.

We were both silent and I eventually sighed, realizing that there was no hope. “Then I guess I’d better start packing.”

I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay forever, to spend the rest of my life with him.  
But I couldn't. Because I wasn't traditional.

Quark nodded slightly. “I guess so.”


	15. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum. - Rule of Acquisition #40

The computer told me that Quark was in his quarters with the Nagus and Rom. I went there and pushed the door chime, placing my bag down outside the door.

Quark said ‘come’ and the door swooshed opened; I stepped inside the room and Quark stood up from his seat at a dinner table, tossing his napkin onto his chair. Rom got up, too, going over to Quark and whispering something inaudible into Quark's ear.

“I hope you don’t mind, Quark,” I apologized, my voice gruff, “But I couldn’t leave without saying good-bye to the Nagus.”

It was a total lie, and I could tell that Quark knew it.

“I’m glad you stopped by,” Zek called from the table. “I know how much you helped Quark during the negotiations. I predict a  _big_  future for you, Pel.”

I grinned. The Nagus was praising  _me_ , a  _female_! (Not that he knew that, but still.)

“You certainly have the lobes for it,” the Nagus concluded.

I couldn’t resist. The urge was gnawing me - I had to. I marched across the room and stood in front of him, asking, “So, you like my lobes?”

“Pel…” I heard Quark warn from somewhere close behind me.

“Yes, I do.” Grand Nagus Zek sounded confused.

“Good, then you can have them!” I reached up and yanked off my faux man-ears.

“No!” Quark cried, putting his hands over my puny little girl ears.

_His hands are on my ears, his hands are on my ears!_

“Ahh!!!” Zek screamed, standing up. “It’s a female!”

“Does this mean I don’t get the bar?” Rom whispered to Quark.

“Rom,” Quark began. “Out.” I heard him kick his brother away.

“Quark, this is outrageous!” Zek fumed as the quarter’s door whooshed open and shut. “Now what’s going on here?”

“I-I-I…”

I pushed Quark back, and his hands drifted off of my ears. “Leave him out of this!” I wailed, thinking that maybe I'd goofed up again. I hadn't been expecting the Nagus to lash out on Quark, honest!

“You dare give  _me_  orders?” Zek pointed at Quark. “You knew about this all along, didn’t you?”

“I-"

“So,” I interrupted with a spat, “tell me more about my  _big future_!”

“You have no future! I’ll see to it that  _you_  spend the rest of your life in  _prison_!”

Quark stepped in front of me. “No.”

“Let me remind you that taking business advice from a  _female_  is a violation of Ferengi law.”

“I didn’t know she was a female.”

“Stupidity is no excuse,” Zek hissed. “Now, one more word out of you and you are going to share her cell.”

“Then you better make sure it’s big enough for three,” Quark said.

“Are you threatening me?”

“I wonder what your associates will say when I tell them that you allowed a female to represent you in a business negotiation,” Quark mused, stepping away from me and over to Zek.

“I didn’t know she was a female.”

“Stupidity is no excuse.”

The Nagus was silent for a moment, then admitted, “I see your point. It seems that Pel’s identity will have to remain our little secret…but it’s going to cost you.”

“My Gamma Quadrant profits,” Quark realized, his eyes wide.

“I’ve always said you were a bright fellow, Quark.”

_He’s giving up profit for me, he’s giving up profit for me!_

The Nagus took his staff from Maihar’du and hobbled in the direction of the door. As he passed me, he turned and cried, “Shame on you!”

The doors closed and Quark walked over to me. Exasperatedly, “I hope you’re satisfied.”

He sighed and went over to the couch, flopping down onto it. I followed and sat down next to him, feeling a little guilty.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “but it’s time you learned that when it comes to accumulating profit, women are as  _capable_  as men.” I leaned closer to him.

Quark sat up and faced me. “Well, do me a favor and don’t tell anybody else.”

I smiled, then sighed dejectedly. “I should go. I’ve booked passage on an Andorian transport.” Then, hopefully, “You could come with me?”

He shook his head slowly. “I can’t.”

I smiled again and said, “I know.”

We leaned and locked lips.

This time, Quark kissed back.

“Well, then,” I began after we had broke apart. I drifted my finger down his ear cartilage and he closed his eyes, intoxicated. “I guess if I can’t have you, I’ll take those ten bars of latinum after all.” I brushed my finger down his ear one final time and stood up, walking out of the room.

I picked up my bag sadly and brushed my fingers along my lips, which were still warm from the kiss. My heart cried out inside me, and I sighed.

“Pel!” Quark cried as he ran out of his quarters. He didn’t realize that I hadn’t gone far and bumped into me.

“Quark, what is it?”

“Uh, you left your lobes.” He held his hands out to me and I saw that I had indeed walked out of the room without my synthetic ears.

“Oh.” I picked them out of his hand and shoved my bag on him. “Hold this.” Quark obliged, and I dug into the bag’s side pocket for the container of glue.

I put the ears back on and slid the glue down into the bag. “Thank you,” I mumbled, taking the bag from him.

“Pel, I-” Quark broke off, looking down at the floor. “Good luck.”

I smiled sadly up at him. “You too.”

We both stood there awkwardly for a heartbeat, then wrapped our arms around each other at exactly the same time.

“Good-bye, Pel.”

“Bye, Quark.”

I pulled myself from Quark and, with a final look back at him, walked away.


	16. You can't buy fate. - Rule of Acquisition #236

“Pel!” Jadzia Dax cried when I entered her quarters. She got up out of her recliner, walking over to me as she spoke; “What are you doing here?”

I looked around and saw that Dax’s quarters were pretty much the same as Quark’s, though with random Trill trinkets instead of Ferengi trinkets, and then there was also a different furniture arrangement.

 I looked away from the window and at her. “Saying good-bye,” I admitted sadly, lowering my gaze with a heavy blink, “but mostly, I just wanted to say…thank you.”

 “What? You’re leaving?” She pulled me over to the living area and sat me down in the recliner. She took a seat across from me, on the couch.

 “I have to go,” I replied. “Too many people know, and…it just won’t work between Quark and me.”

 “You told him?” she asked, smiling a little.

I nodded. “And the Nagus knows about my real sex. Then Rom also found out." I heaved a sigh, flopping backwards. "Too many people know - I have to go.”

 Dax frowned and nodded again. “Where?”

 “I’ve booked passage on an Andorian transport to the Gamma Quadrant,” I replied, then sighed. “Thank you again. For everything.”

 “Your welcome. And I’m sorry you have to go.”

 I was too. I fiddled with the strap of my bag and ran my tongue along my crooked teeth. “Dax?”

 "Yeah?” she replied.

 “Keep an eye on Quark for me,” I requested. “Keep him safe.”

 The Trill nodded. “I will.”

 “It’s just until I come back, of course,” I assured her.

 Dax’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I thought you just said you were leaving-”

 “I am," I interrupted. "But I’ll be back. Just as soon as I’m rich and can retire. Maybe on some moon somewhere…” I looked back out the window and off into the distance. It was a nice goal - moon’s were such prime real estate...

 “What time does your transport leave?”

 I blinked at her, turning my head. “Twenty-hundred hours. Why?”

 “It’s nineteen-forty now - you should probably go, I guess.” Dax sighed. We both stood up as I said, “You’re right.”

 We hugged and bid our final good-byes. I could barely keep myself together, but kept strong face.

 Later, on the transport - which was all stinky and smelly, with no personal privacy whatsoever - I thought back on my adventure at Deep Space Nine. Then I thought about all the latinum I was going to rake in and smiled to myself.

 Sure, there was more to life than profit, but it was still a nice thing to strive for. I  _am_ a Ferengi, after all, despite my sex.

 We passed through the wormhole then. I was able to glimpse a little bit of it out of a window, and it was nice, though not as nice as it had been with Quark.

 “I’ll be back,” I repeated to myself quietly. “I  _will_  be back.”

## The End (For Now...)


End file.
